Men from day one have been taught to take anything that comes their way. People say as a man, one should be able to be patient and tolerate a few if not most things that women do, all because she is a woman.

There are some cultures where, in a household with a brother and a sister, the brother is treated with a hard hand while the sister is treated like a princess. The reason for this, they say, is that a boy would grow into a man, go out there and experience life, be it tough or smooth, while a girl would grow into a woman and then be whisked off by a man to live with him.

In the western world today, we see how easy it is for relationships to dissolve because of the power dynamics between men and women who have made the western way of life culturally embedded in their own way of life. The keyword here is “equality.” Equality in a relationship means that both partners are treated with the same level of respect, have equal opportunities to express themselves, and share decision-making responsibilities. It involves a balance of power where both individuals feel valued, heard, and supported.

But is that really the case, though? Let us turn to Bryan who had met Kathy, getting to know each other and not in a relationship yet, and then in a later article, we would turn to Joel who is in a relationship with Stacey and has been for about two years. In the latter, we would talk about how finance has a huge role to play in their relationship.

Connections via dating apps

Bryan and Kathy, who met each other on a dating app, both thought it was a match made in heaven. From the day they saw each other, it was a no-brainer matching with each other as they both saw what they were physically looking for in a companion. Kathy had the smile, the beauty, the right age, and stature while Bryan looked like something out of a movie, Kathy’s 007. They went on to form a meaningful dialogue with each other.

Weeks went by, they had already exchanged numbers and were on track to meet each other for the first time on a date. During the first date, everything was just as one would expect; it was as if love was starting to blossom. The first date was successful, but on the second date, something happened. Bryan started receiving notifications on his phone from the dating app. As a smartphone user, if the phone is not on silent, the notification sound would trickle out. Kathy knew that sound as she too had the same dating app, the same one where they both matched.

Kathy was furious! She could not believe that after the connection she made with Bryan, he would still have the dating app installed. She made a huge fuss over it, but Bryan tried his best to make her understand that he wasn’t trying to get to know other women. A date that was supposed to be one of love turned to hell for Bryan. Kathy then stormed out of the restaurant; Bryan chased but she was not having it. Bryan felt so bad, kicking himself and saying, “I knew I should have deleted this stupid app!” He was not trying to get to know anyone else; his focus was on Kathy. Days went on, he tried to reach Kathy via call, text, and voice notes, but all he got was air. He decided to give her some space.

A few days later, Bryan received a text from Kathy to talk about the situation. Bryan acknowledged it, and they proceeded to have a phone call about the situation. Bryan was so apologetic; he pleaded and assured Kathy this would never happen again. At first, Kathy was being elusive, maintaining a sense of mystery, saying the trust had gone and Bryan would have to work very hard to regain her trust. Bryan conformed, anything to get his Kathy back. He could not stand the thought of losing her to someone else. She then agreed to continue getting to know him.

One day Bryan was entertaining Kathy at his home. He had everything all made up: food, wine, the works. He wanted to treat Kathy to a special meal prepared by him; in other words, he wanted to make her day special. Kathy then decided to go to the toilet. While she was there, her phone was in the kitchen area, and it went off with notifications. Bryan, for some reason, decided to have a look at the phone. A single glance at the lock screen revealed that the notifications came from the same dating app where they met. Bryan was confused; he did not know what to think or believe. The notifications kept coming in, and it was from the same person as if there was some sort of conversation that had been had prior to her coming over to his place, or one that was ongoing for a while.

Kathy came out of the toilet, and Bryan then confronted her about the messages he saw on her phone. Unlike Bryan’s response when Kathy noticed the notifications on his phone, Kathy started ranting and went on the defensive, telling him that there was no trust hence why she decided to go back onto the dating site.

Bryan was gobsmacked! A lot was running through his mind. Why was she at his place receiving all the special treatment he was giving her? Was he dreaming? Was he being gaslit? She then took her phone and left his house. He proceeded to chase once again, pleading and begging her not to leave.

Bryan was left standing at his doorstep, heart pounding and mind racing. The dinner he had meticulously planned and the heartfelt gestures he had prepared now seemed meaningless. The realization hit him hard: the trust between them was irreparably broken.

Reflections on Trust and Expectations

As a man, you must understand that no matter what you do, the advantage would never fall on you. It is up to you to create your own advantages; trust, they say, is earned. You should know better than to put trust at the forefront, especially when dealing with someone whose history is unknown. Would you say Bryan acted as a simp in this situation? Who knows. But one thing is for sure: you can never allow emotions to get the best of you. Emotions would allow you to conform to expectations laid out by others towards you.

In conclusion, relationships require mutual trust, communication, and respect. Both partners must work together to build a solid foundation. While societal expectations and cultural norms can influence behaviour, it is crucial to navigate these challenges with honesty and integrity. Only then can a true and lasting connection be formed.